Camp Woes

Well, although I haven't written since the beginning of the summer, the boys have had an amazing summer so far. We went up to camp for a week over the 4rth and had a wonderful time with the Slaters. The boys left right from NH for California with Teen for her cousin Nene's wedding. When they got back, Jen was visiting from Baltimore. Then we went back to NH with Caleb and Abe's family and they got to share their grandma's house and camp with some of their best friends. When we all left to come back to CT, the boys stayed in NH for Camp Camp, which seems to have been an amazing experience. Since then we've stayed closer to home, doing day trips to the Boston science and children's museum, a local state park, our local children's museum, the pool, etc.

This week, though, both boys started a two-week session at a local day camp. The camp is really idyllic, with a large, beautiful lake, huge playing fields, acres of woods with hiking trails, boats, a beach, a playground, and the kind of camp traditions you read about in nostalgic memoirs. Tina and I had paid a lot of money to give the boys this experience, because we always start to feel a little bad right around this time in the summer when we're just totally burnt out at providing new adventures every day. Unlike most of his friends, Luke has very little experience with summer camps. He did do one or two weeks (?) last year at an art-themed camp at a local day care that has really nice facilities, and he enjoyed that and had a good experience. In hindsight, though, that was a lot more like school than like camp.

On the first morning, T and I decided to bring the boys to camp instead of having them ride the camp bus. We found Luke's group (the Rangers) in the midst of a giant throng of children and teenagers that made me nervous. Luke kind of had that "I'm going to throw up" face on, the one he had at the beginning of his school play, but he was clearly going to suck it up. I found his counselor and introduced him and asked the counselor to introduce him to some kids. I heard the counselor asking what town he was from as we left with Teo, hoping that very soon the groups would split up and things would go well for Luke. Teo we walked down to the playground where the Scouts were, thankfully, segregated from the madness near the buses. He cried and didn't want to stay, and we had to give him to a counselor and leave him there crying for us, which was hellish as it always is.

The boys rode the bus home that day and Tina picked them up. After work, I went over to her apartment to see how their day was. Teo was hopping up and down with excitement about his day and all the fun things he did. He wanted to show me the lizard he painted in arts and crafts, and tell me about going swimming, and playing on the playground, etc. Then it was Luke's turn. He crawled into my lap and started weeping. He recounted (and Tina shared with me) that the boys at camp had "bad manners." They say "shut up" to each other, something that is verboten at our house. They jump off the dock without even looking to see if someone's swimming there below them. In the boys' locker room at changing time, they were showing off their penises, pulling the foreskins back and doing other phallic tricks. Luke was aghast. He said to T "You and mommy said that was private!"

I believe it was a complete culture shock for him. While Tina and I talked quietly in the other room, he bawled in his bed, moaning "I'm not going to have any fun!" It broke my heart. Tina said that apparently one of the first activities his group did was play soccer, and Luke took a ball in the stomach. He ended up sitting out for the rest of the time. This being the fourth session, I think a lot of the kids already knew each other and had been going for most of the summer, so Luke was like the new kid on the block. They tried archery, and he never hit the target (he hates not being good at something right away, which makes him really averse to trying new things). I asked him how his lunch was, and he said he only ate one of his cookies because he was so sad. He couldn't open his thermos and neither could his counselor (?!) so he didn't get to drink his lemonade. It sounds like it was really just one bad thing after another. I have to admit, it got me a little hysterical, too. "It's like Lord of the Flies!" I told C, and she calmly reminded me that it is a very reputable camp with lots of adult supervision and that nobody's head is going to end up on a stake.

I left, fearing that some of Luke's hysterics were for my benefit, and sure enough Tina called me in only a little while later to say she'd calmed him down and agreed that he could bring a Webkin hidden in his knapsack the next day, and that he could have a play date with C and N after camp the next day, both of which made him feel better. I called my sister for advice, and she told me that George Carlin, who died recently, left all of his money to the summer camp in NH that he went to when he was a boy sixty years ago! Apparently in his last years he had taken to wearing this medal that he won for theater at camp, and it was one of the things he was proudest of in his life. She also pointed out to me that camp was not a part of our upbringing, but is a really formative experience for many kids, one where they test their mettle and develop leadership skills.

I ruminated on it the whole evening and next morning. Tina was bringing the kids to the bus at 8:00, and I knew I wanted to meet them to see them off and give Luke some kind of talisman, but I couldn't figure out what. Finally I grabbed a blue sharpie. When the kids got there, I had Luke give me one of his hands. On the back of his palm I drew a lightning bolt. "This is to remind you," I said, "That when Harry Potter got to Hogwarts, there were guys there like Draco Malfoy, and Crabbe and Goyle, who were mean and didn't like him because of who he was. But there was also Ron, and Hermione, and Hagrid, and Hogwarts became Harry's favorite place in the whole world. You just need to find your own Ron and Hermione, and remember that if anyone doesn't like you, it's because they're jealous of how special you are." Luke beamed and seemed ready to face lions. We got the boys on the bus and I prayed (in my own fashion of course) for a better day.

He did have a better day, thank goodness, and things have been fine since that first day. On the second day he told me, "I realized I do have a friend. I think his name is Patrick." On Wednesday he confirmed, that yes, his friend's name is Patrick. On Thursday there was a Popsicle wrapper in his lunch box and he told me Patrick bought it for him at the camp store. I gave him money to treat Patrick the next day. Friday afternoon on the way home (I picked them up that day as a treat) he told me, "I found a Hermione today..." Apparently her name is Katherine and he made friends with her by giving her his water balloon. I guess every kid got only one balloon, and of course my Luke was like, "What the heck am I going to do with this?" so he traded it to this girl for some candy! Nice. Anyway, so on the ride home he starts saying, "Now I need to find my Draco Malfoy, and my Serious Black, and..." I'm not sure he gets the point of the metaphor, but at least he hasn't cried himself to sleep since that first day, and I hope that this experience will help him weather some of the scary stuff ahead.

I have to say that since that day both T and I have heard a lot of camp horror stories. Next week we are headed up to NH again for another week at my childhood camp, a place which may not have tested my mettle or turned me into a leader, but where I'm so grateful we can all find retreat from the Malfoys of the world.